


i've been lookin' at the stars tonight

by pettigrace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Useless Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon tries to adjust to his life as a vampire. He's not sure if Raphael really wants to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've been lookin' at the stars tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read the TMI books, so this is purely based on what I gathered from the show.  
> Also note that I haven't talked in Spanish for a while, so mistakes could happen. Please tell me.
> 
> The title is from The Strumbellas' "Spirits".
> 
> Oh, and!!! Spoilers for MTV's Scream season 1.

Simon hates being a vampire. Not enough that he hasn’t seen the sun in at least a month, he can’t even enjoy coffee anymore. He _could_ possibly drink it, yes, but it tastes awful and he’d get sick eventually anyway. This is so not how he imagined his college life to go.

Being a vampire also means he has super cool new abilities, he knows that, but the thing is… he has no idea how to use them. They burst out when he really doesn’t want them to and they do nothing when he concentrates on it. He can’t even control his hunger yet, which has forced him to stay away from his friends and live in the Hotel Dumort.

Raphael has basically claimed to be the Yoda to his Luke, the Dumbledore to his Harry, the Batman to his Robin (his choice of words, not Raphael’s. Obviously.). Not that he’s as nice as those descriptions would sound like. Raphael’s all serious and cold and the most casual reaction Simon has ever seen on his face has been a smirk when Simon has sunk onto the couch after one training session and winced because of his bruises.

It’s cruel that _Raphael_ must be the one to teach Simon - yeah, sure, he’s the head of the clan and all that but Simon’s sure that means he could order others to train with him. Raphael is a sadist who has been wandering this earth for like thousands of years probably and must’ve mastered all kinds of martial arts. Simon hasn’t even managed to master texting-while-walking.

So, in short: Simon is trapped in a house full of vampires, separated from Clary and Luke and his mother and sister, doesn’t even have _WiFi_ and gets beaten up regularly. He can’t go out to watch a movie or something and he can’t eat what he likes. What an un-life.

 

\--

 

“Hey, Raph,” Simon says one day during training, rubbing a hand over his shoulder. Must be dislocated. He ignores the furious look Raphael gives him at the nickname. “I was wondering. So I’m interim to whatever, yeah?”

“First advisor to the interim Chapter President of the clan.”, Raphael corrects him. “Which, if you’ve missed it, is me.”

“Yeah, no, I know that!”, Simon protests. “But… I have no idea what that’s even supposed to mean.”

Raphael sighs. “It means that you have to do whatever I say.”

“Does that mean the others don’t have to? That’s really mean.”, Simon pouts. He may be the youngest vampire (counting from the day he got turned, at least) and sure, he has problems controlling himself but bossing him around just like that is unfair. “I don’t know, wouldn’t ‘advisor’ mean I’d give you advice or something?”

Raphael raises one of his perfect eyebrows. Simon has been wondering for a while already if he was born with them or learnt to draw them on in the time he has been undead. “For that you’d have to _understand_ a single thing about life.”

“Un-life.”, Simon corrects. “I know a lot about _life_.”

“Do you now?”, Raphael says, his voice being a mixture of curiosity and sarcasm. “And here I thought all you did was follow around the Fairchild girl.”

“I did _not_ follow her _around_!”, Simon protests. He moves his shoulder again, hears a soft crack and lets out a sigh. One day Raphael will break something. “You know how I had a band? And went to college? And got a caramel-chocolate milkshake every Friday noon? You know, I’d go and pick it up and then sit outside in the _sun_ and read a comic and chat with the barista and whatnot. Live a human life.”

“I know, Simon.”, Raphael sighs. “You’re not the only one.”

At that Simon falls silent. He hadn’t even considered before that just like him, the others probably haven’t agreed to becoming a vampire. It’s probably been more awful for most of them, and they have made it through for several decades.

He realises that he doesn’t even know how Raphael had been turned or how old he is. What he’s left behind or what he’s seen already. He thinks about asking him, but he’s sure he wouldn’t tell him anyway.

“I-- I’m sorry.”, Simon said. “I didn’t think--”

“ _Nunca lo haces._ ”, Raphael replies. “If you need to step up to your duties, I will tell you.”

“Thank you.”, Simon replies, feeling miserable now. He’s behaves like a total ass, hasn’t he?

“Do you want anything else?”, Raphael wants to know.

“Uh, no…”, Simon says, scratching his chin in thought. “Oh, wait yes! What’s, like, in winter? Could we go out during the day in winter? I mean it’s not particularly bright outside then, is it? Sure, the sun is shining but there’s big clouds and no direct sunlight and--”

Raphael leaves without a further comment.

 

\----

 

"H _oly_ shit-- is that a _TV_ ?", Simon asks, stumbling into the room without even knocking.

Someone's just left Raphael's bedroom and Simon caught a glimpse of the inside as he passed by. He just came in from meeting Luke (it had been about time he got out for a bit and Raphael had allowed him to, even if he wasn't too happy he'd meet up with "that wet dog") and was on his way to his room when it happened.

See, he's never been in Raphael's bedroom - why would he? -, only in his dressing room (as in, the room where he stores his clothes. Living a long life and having money makes you buy a lot of things, apparently) and the "assembly hall" as Simon likes to call it. The only private room he's ever been in has been his own.

Raphael raises his head, giving him a bewildered look. He's standing at his bed, having looked down at a map that's opened. His mouth is pressed into a thin line. Doesn't seem too happy to see Simon.

"That _is_ a TV! And a beauty at that! What's that? 54"? Woah, wait, that's a 3D TV!", Simon continues, stepping closer to the device. He feels the urge to touch it. How long has it been since he's last watched TV? He truly lost track of time. " _G--_ !", he chokes on the word.

"Yes, Simon, that is indeed a TV. Congratulations on your remarkable eyesight."

"Should I be surprised that _of course_ the clan leader has a TV?"

"¿ _Qué quieres decir_ ?", Raphael asks. Simon doesn't understand what he's saying but the expression in his face tells him Raphael doesn't know what he's getting at.

"Well, I mean you have a TV and nobody else--"

"Everyone has a TV, Simon."

"What?", Simon blinks. "I don't!"

Raphael sighs, a teasing smirk now on his lips, "Because you never asked."

"What?"

"When you ask for a thing, you may actually have a chance of getting it.", Raphael explains. "Would've helped with Valentine's daughter, too, I guess."

Simon has long given up on denying that he had a crush on Clary. It's been obvious to everyone but her. The thing is, though, he doesn't think he feels the same anymore. Let it be that he has different priorities now or that deep, deep down his subconscious carries a pint of anger directed at her for doing this to him -- but that's not even important right now. What's important is that everyone around him has been spending their days watching TV and he hadn't even so much as thought about that because he just assumed vampires live in the stone age. He should've known by now, there are a lot of vampires from the 20th century. Most of them even have _phones_ .

"I-- So I can have one?"

"If you must."

" _When_ can I have one?"

"As soon as you've ordered one.", Raphael says with an annoyed voice. "Will you leave my room now?"

"I just-- Okay, this sounds stupid but listen, I haven't watched TV in so long and I feel so miserable and bored of my mind all the time and I was wondering if maybe--"

Raphael is raising an eyebrow.

"CanIwatchsomeTV? Now?", Simon says quickly, shooting a look back at the TV.

"That's _my_ television."

"You can turn on whatever you want! I'll just sit here and be silent. I just _missed it so much_."

"You'll shut up if I let you watch?"

Simon nods quickly, watching Raphael reach out for the remote. He just presses the ON-button and leaves it at that. Simon is wondering if he maybe only watches something on that channel (FOX, as it turns out) and making it thus his go-to. He shoots a thank you at Raphael before settling down on the ground in front of the bed. He would’ve felt _too_ awkward to sit down on it and there was nothing else to place himself on.

Behind him he hears Raphael _chuckle_ but when he turn around, he only sees him compare something on his phone with the map.

 

\---

 

“Hey, Raphael? Uh, I wanna ask you something.”

Raphael looks like he’s about to let out a groan but instead he decides to remain calm and just shoots Simon a look that could kill. They’ve just come home from some kind of gala thing - a meet-up of different clan representatives. Simon has had to tag along since he’s the First Advisor to Raphael _and_ also the newest clan member. Appearances are important, as it seems.

It’s been quite a weird evening, actually, Simon’s never seen Raphael smile that much before but he can tell most of those have been forced. In fact, he’s only laughed out loud a few times and mostly at Simon’s demise.

He just hopes it wasn’t meant in a cruel way. He’s been surprised by the sound of the other vampire’s laughter, but it has been a nice ring in his ears, something he  would even accept if it had been to make fun of him. Raphael’s laugh is _cute_.

He’s been by Raphael’s side the whole night, able to catch every glimpse of it. At times, Raphael would even catch a handful of his jacket. Probably to make sure he won’t get lost.

“Are you gonna stand there the whole day?”, Raphael asks.

They are still in the entrance hall, stopped dead on their tracks when Simon had addressed him. Simon’s been fidgeting with his hands, unsure how to say it. He doesn’t even know what _it_ is exactly.

“I, uh-- I just-- if there’s something like this again, will you let me come with?”

“Depends on your behaviour.”, Raphael states matter-of-factly and continues walking, his feet carrying him in a soft sway. Simon has been wondering for a while how he can appear this gracious when he walks like that. It’s kinda nice.

Then he gets that _theoretically_ that means he could tag along and escape the hotel for a while. Yes, he could probably take walks at night if he wanted to, but a) he’s not trained well enough just yet (for both options: attackers and attack _ing_ ) and b) all alone it’s pretty boring. Sure, New York is nice at night, so different - but there’s just so much time a person can spend on their own. He’s even go out with Raphael.

He actually kinda _wants_ to spend more time with Raphael. Even if he’s an asshole and blocking out every conversation, he must also be nice somewhere deep down inside. Not just because he trains Simon - he’s pretty sure that’s something determined by the accords - but why else would he have let him use his TV throughout several nights because he keeps forgetting to order one? (Okay, truth be told, Simon may not actually dare to do it because even if the clan has lots of money and even if Raphael told him to go for it… _it’s so much money_.)

Before he can add anything else, tell Raphael he’s thankful for that opportunity or _whatever_ , the other is already gone.

 

\--

 

Simon’s actually never had a bad night - or _day_ for that matter - in the hotel. He’s slept better than ever before, probably, mostly caused by the fact that his bed is just so big and soft and comfortable - if it wasn’t for his hunger he’d probably never get up.

Another reason is Raphael, of course. If he doesn’t show up to training on time, Raphael will make him pay for it. Be even worse with his training schedule, ignore him even more than usually or generally be pissed. And Simon doesn’t want Raphael to be pissed at him. Not just because he’s really good with deathly glances, but because he likes a smiling or cussing Raphael much more.

But anyway, usually he manages to sleep through the whole night, the curtains drawn and not a single ray of light piercing into the room - being a vampire means he can see in total darkness anyway - and not notice a single thing around him. If Raphael knew about that, he’d probably be mad because _Simon needs to get a grip on his fucking skills_.

Tonight, Simon is sure, he’d be proud.

Simon’s been sleeping but woken up by some weird sounds. He’s first not been sure if they even are in his room because they’re so quiet, but then it turned out that _yes_ , somebody is in his room and _yes_ , this somebody totally shouldn’t be.

Before he can even think about it, he jumps forward, down from his bed and directly at the person sneaking around in his room. He pins him - as he can determine now - underneath himself, hands pressed into his shoulders and starts hissing.

The vampire underneath him reaches out for one of his wrists and easily pulls it off his shoulder. Of course, he should’ve guessed whoever came in must be someone who lives in Dumort, nobody else would even get inside. Soon enough, Simon finds himself on his back.

“Wow, you’re actually getting better,” he hears Raphael’s bored voice, “Still not fast enough, though.”

“Raphael?”, Simon mutters, “What? Was that a test?”

“No,” Raphael states and jumps back onto his feet. He holds out a hand to help up Simon.

Simon accepts it and when he’s standing again, he waits for an explanation. When that doesn’t happen, he asks, “So…You just happen to walk into my room?”

Raphael gives him a look that could be interpreted as ‘Are you really asking me that now?’ before saying, “ _No_.”

At that point Simon is sure that there must be question marks visible in his eyes.

“You are _loud_ when you sleep. _Every_ single night.”, Raphael explains. “Nightmares, apparently? I mean, it would fit to you that you missed _that_ but-- nothing?”

Simon just stares at him. There’s a lot wrong in this scene. First of all, how would he have nightmares without even remembering them? Like, if they’re so bad that they cause him to make noises _while_ sleeping, how could he possibly not be aware that they even happen? Is this related to his new vampire self? And second, why the hell would Raphael Santiago care?

“¿ _Qué está mal contigo?_ ”, Raphael breathes. He almost sounds _concerned_ \- but mostly annoyed. “Anyway, I’ve been here a couple of times already and you never even noticed. Your hearing gets better.”

“You’ve been here _a couple times_ already?”, Simon repeats.

“Before you wake up everyone.”, Raphael states. “You seem to be calmer when someone’s around.”

Simon’s sure if Raphael wasn’t Raphael, he would’ve shrugged.

Hes also sure that if it were possible, he’d be blushing now. Not only that Raphael frequently watches him sleep - that’s seriously a vampire thing to do, isn’t it? First Edward Cullen and now this… - but he’s just there to help him calm down. Not for his own sake. And even though he says it’s for the better for everyone, Simon still feels touched.

“I… thank you.”, Simon croaks.

Raphael huffs in response. “Try to get some more sleep.”, he orders and leaves the room without a further comment.

Simon just stares after him for a few moment before crawling back into his bed.

 

\--

 

Simon thinks that Raphael must’ve given up on hoping that he ever orders a TV long ago. The other doesn’t even do so much as look up when Simon enters his room, sitting down on his usual spot. He doesn’t even let out an annoyed sigh anymore.

Today, however, Raphael even says something.

“Why are you even watching that? That crazy reporter girl is the murderer.”, he says. There’s actual surprise in his voice.

“Are you sure? It could be that teacher.”

“No, that’d be too obvious.”, Raphael answers, “Look, that girl is like the fucking girl next door, all helpful. Who else could be the bad person without it losing its thrill?”

Simon raises an eyebrow at him and starts grinning. “Ahh, so you’ve been watching, too!”

“It’s kinda difficult not to when you turn the volume to its maximum.”

“You know, you could sit down and watch properly. Don't have to pretend to be busy all the time."

"I _am_ busy," Raphael corrects him, "I carry the responsibility for hundreds of people."

"No, I mean, you could probably, like, chill every once in awhile, you know?", Simon offers.

At that Raphael just let's out a sigh. And for the first time, Simon registers how _tired_ he looks. His usual posture is gone in this very moment, his shoulders not pressed back and he looks very _vulnerable_ . It surprises Simon - he'd never really considered how tiring leading a vampire clan must be. He'd just viewed Raphael as this strong guy, who never gets exhausted from doing his job. To be fair, so far he has only acted that way.

Simon reaches for the remote and pauses the show. He could continue later anyway. He gets up and walks over to Raphael and looks down at the notes and maps he has spread out before him.

"What are you doing?"

"Being the first advisor to the whatever from the whatever.", Simon states. "I've been awful at that, haven't I?"

He sees how Raphael bites down correcting him _again_ , and settles down with, "You're awful at _everything_."

Simon decides to ignore that. "Here's the deal: I work with you on this and then you chill for a bit, that sound good?"

Raphael raises an eyebrow.

"So, what are we working at?"

"You're serious.", Raphael concludes after a while of staring at him.

"Of course I am!", Simon tells him. If Raphael's given him some kind of rank, he should act accordingly, shouldn't he? It's not fair that he'd claim Raphael's TV while the other works all on his own.

" _Siempre estás una sorpresa._ ", Raphael says and shakes his head with a soft smile.

Simon wouldn't have guessed he'd ever see that. It's not a teasing smile, it's real and almost _friendly_. It's beautiful.

He watches him closely as he explains what he’s doing - at first Raphael doesn’t sound too comfortable sharing; probably because he still thinks Simon isn’t serious - but as he continues, he accepts that Simon may be able to contribute. It seems that as the leader, Raphael is not just there to make sure they all keep listening to the Accords, but also that they’re comfortable as a whole. There are lots of bills in front of him, about electricity, costs for the internet (which, to Simon’s surprise, actually does exist in the hotel), transport for the blood bags they keep in store (he doesn’t even _want_ to know how they even justify that) and several other things he hadn’t even thought about.

As it turns out, Raphael is not like a babysitter. He’s like the head of a company, keeping his eyes on _everything_. No wonder he seems so tired.

“You know, I studied accounting.”, Simon tells him before offering a few suggestions to cut payments here and there. He hasn’t particularly enjoyed it, truth be told, but he did know a thing or two.

Raphael actually listened to his ideas and considered them. He even agreed to try out some.

It’s weirdly comfortable, standing there and being productive _with_ Raphael. They’re almost on the same level there, in contrast to how it feels during training. Sure, Raphael still acts as his superior, which he actually is, but he’s not as awful to Simon as usually. He’s open for other ideas.

When they’ve gone over everything twice, Simon grabs Raphael’s arm and pulls him down onto the ground with him. He ignores that the other could probably sit on his bed if he wishes to.

Much to his surprise, Raphael doesn’t even complain. When Simon starts the show again, he just says, “I keep telling you, it isn’t that _maldito_ teacher.”

Simon snorts. There’s no way he could’ve even paid enough attention to have grasped a single plot point of the show.

Before the episode is over, Raphael has fallen asleep, leaning against Simon’s shoulder. He does his best not to move at all, even if that means falling asleep himself in the end.

 

\--

 

Simon sighs and smiles to himself, looking into the sun. He’s sitting on the roof of the hotel and watching the sunrise. Admittedly, through the view of a pair of sunglasses it’s probably not as beautiful as it could be, but he’s trying his best. At least he is outside again and feel the heat of the sun - even stronger so because of the multiple layers of clothing covering every free inch of skin.

He’d figured that, if your skin isn’t in direct contact with sunlight, you can’t burn. So far it seems to work.

“ _Simon_!”, he hears a hiss behind him just when the sun stopped touching the land at the horizon. He doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Raphael. “What are you doing, fledgeling?”

At that Simon looks over his shoulder. Raphael’s in a corner not too far from the door leading to the roof, hiding in the safe shadows. Actually, he’s so far away Simon is sure that if he didn’t have super-human hearing, he wouldn’t been able to make out a single word he’s saying.

Also, he has super-human sight. He can see the panic on Raphael’s face, which is pretty surprising. Maybe this isn’t as safe as he’d thought? Simon gulps and rushes to his side. Better safe than sorry.

“I was-- I thought I could-- I was watching the sunrise.”, Simon admits.

Raphael eyes him up and down and while Simon waits for his scolding, a soft smile spreads out on the other’s face. “You look ridiculous.”

Simon grimaces at him. “ _But_ I didn’t hurt myself!”

“But you could have.”, Raphael says calmly. “Don’t do this again.”

“Aw, are you worried about me?”, Simon teases, a grin coming up to his face.

Raphael huffs, “I care about all clan members.” And then he turns to leave, but doesn’t do so without adding, “Training in 15 minutes, _tonto_.”

 

\--

 

As a mundane, Simon hasn’t gone to too many parties. He didn’t hate them, but there’s just so much going out you can do while still managing to show up to most of your classes. Now, however, in his un-life, he’s awake at night anyway and frequently has to attend some with Raphael. Usually, those turn out to be boring gala-like events.

 _But_ on the other hand, _his_ best friend is friends with Isabelle, who’s brother dates Magnus Bane, high warlock of New York and amazing party host. Simon’s heard about his parties from the others already, but he’s never been to one. He’s not really a part of the shadowhunter clique so Magnus has never really bothered to invite him.

 _However_ , he seems to invite _Raphael_. Every time. To every party. Simon’s not sure if that’s just a downworlder thing, if Magnus _has_ to invite Raphael since he’s the clan leader - but then again, Raphael hasn’t always been.

So far Raphael must’ve declined every time because Clary has never mentioned seeing him there and Simon’s sure he would’ve heard about Raphael leaving, so he guesses those kinds of party aren’t his thing. To his surprise, though, Raphael wants to go to the latest party. And Simon’s supposed to accompany him.

Even if it’s a pretty informal party, Raphael insists that they wear suits, offering one of his to Simon. He accepts it. Raphael’s suits are always nice.

 

Even though Simon has managed to meet up with Clary every now and then, meeting up outside with her at night, being reunited with her feels good. It’s just not the same to see her this rarely when they grew up practically living together. He doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, but she’s still his best friend and he misses her with his whole heart.

They’re catching up, sitting in a corner of Magnus’ apartment (he’s made it bigger with magic so that there are several places to sit at and yet there’s enough space to dance - it looks like an expensive VIP club with all that purple light and glitter), Izzy joining every now and then. As it seems, she’s still blaming herself for not keeping an eye on Simon that night he’d gotten kidnapped. Simon appreciates it, even though it’s been so long ago.

It’s also apparent that both girls are not particularly fond of Raphael, despite Simon assuring them that he’s perfectly nice (he really is, for Raphael-standards). Seems that if you are involved in turning someone into a vampire, you will be blamed forever, even if it’s not by them.

He just wants to switch topics - ask why Jace is not there, for example - when he hears his name being uttered at the far end of the room.

“His name is _Simon_.”, he hears Raphael say, as clearly as if he were by his side. “And I figured he could need a normal night for once.”

“And that’s why you take the burden of coming to one of my parties onto yourself?”, Magnus says. “That hasn’t happened in what? 30 years?”

“Do you have some blood here? I could use a drink.”, Raphael states, ignoring what Magnus has said.

“No, my beautiful friend, first you need to explain why it’s so important to you that Simon enjoys himself.”

“I make sure every clan member is happy.”

Magnus groans. “ _Yes_ , I know. But usually that means sending them off to their own adventures. At least that’s what _Camille_ has done. Do you play puppy to everyone?”

Raphael’s answer is even more quiet than before. Simon doesn’t know if being a warlock gives you hearing abilities, too, but he’s sure Magnus could’ve missed it easily. “I like seeing him happy.”

Simon’s eager to hear Magnus’ reply or _more importantly_ what Raphael decides to say next - why would he say something like that? - but gets snapped out of his concentration. Literally _snapped_. Because Izzy snaps her fingers at him.

“Earth to Simon,” she grins. “Who you’re thinking about?”

“What?”, Simon blinks a few times, arriving back at _his_ environment and _his_ conversation partners. “I- uh, sorry, I zoned out.”

“Yeah, we noticed.”, Clary says, “You made some weird faces. Who did you listen to?”

“Who says I listened in on someone? Maybe I was lost in thoughts!”

“Sure,” Izzy smirks.

Simon rubs his neck in response. He’s still confused about the conversation he’s witnessed. For starters, he hadn’t even thought Raphael and Magnus would _talk_ , let alone discuss _him_. And then what Raphael’s said…

He needs some time to process that. “I-- I need some fresh air.”, he says.

The others know that he doesn’t even breathe anymore, and Clary shoots him a concerned look, silently asking if everything’s alright.

He gives her a small smile in response.

He isn’t even outside for a whole minute when Raphael appears in the door. He watches Simon lean against the wall, arms crossed behind himself, before saying, “Your scent suddenly disappeared.”

Simon shrugs in response, keeping back a teasing response. It doesn’t seem right if Raphael’s really been concerned. Thinking about it, he feels weird for just leaving like that, especially when Raphael has said he wanted to go there just so Simon could enjoy himself. Now it looks like he totally didn’t. “It’s loud,” he lies.

Raphael nods softly, “You need to train your filter.”

Simon chuckles, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

They stay silent for a while before Raphael offers, “Do you want to get home--?”

Simon shakes his head almost immediately. “I-- uh, do you want to dance? Here?”

He knows it’s a thin chance and to be frank, he doesn’t even have a clue _what_ he’s doing, but he has to try it. Besides, Raphael had said himself that if Simon wants something, he should ask for it. And right now, he feels like he wants to dance with Raphael, all alone without anyone around.

Raphael raises an eyebrow. There’s so uncertainty in his face. “There’s no music.”

“Use your ears.”, Simon prompts, teasing him a bit, and steps closer.

Raphael lets out a soft sigh but smiles a bit, putting a hand on his hip and taking Simon’s with the other. Simon doesn’t listen for the music, instead he focusses completely on Raphael as they start swaying. He hears Raphael’s feet get up and down on the ground, he takes in Raphael’s smell as he moves closer. He watches his dark brown eyes and their extended pupils.

“Are you alright?”, Raphael asks, eyeing him closely. He actually looks concerned.

Simon nods, completely sure of it. “Thank you. For… taking care of me.”

Raphael pulls him closer, placing both his hands on his back now so that their bodies are basically pressed against each other. He is smaller than Simon, so he can’t wrap his arms around his neck, but a part of Simon hopes he’d do it if he could. Raphael smiles softly and says, “ _De nada, cariño._ ”

 

\--

 

Simon wakes up when he hears his door being opened. To a mundane, it wouldn’t make a sound, but he hears the faint sound of the hinges squeaking against each other.

There’s a short moment of panic flooding through him, wondering if he should get ready to attack.

“It’s just me,” Raphael says when he moves, getting ready to jump out of his bed. “You were loud again.”

“Sorry,” Simon says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I swear, I just don’t notice.”

“That’s still so weird.” Raphael states, stepping closer. “Fits to you.”

“Ha- _ha_.”, Simon says dryly.

Raphael gives him a smile. “Go back to sleep.”, he orders and pulls over a chair. “I’m here.”

Simon sighs and sinks back into his bed. He really doesn’t know what’s happening with him - he guesses the nightmares are an aftermath of that whole dying-and-being-resurrected thing, but it would probably be more helpful if he even knew what they are about. He guesses it’s possible to have a bad dream and not remember it, after all you can have good dreams and not remember them either. The only thing he knows is that he has them - and that’s only something Raphael told him.

“Raphael…”, he says softly, “You don’t have to stay on the chair.”

“You want me to leave?”, Raphael asks.

Simon doesn’t know if he’s being careful or teasing - he usually never misses the exact meaning of a phrasing. But especially since that evening at Magnus’, things are more complicated between them. And at the same time, they’re easier. They’ve reached a new level of trust and comfort between each other, but at the same time it can get awkward between them. They’d both stop whatever they’re doing when their hands brush against each other in a random movement - during training, however, all is fine and sometimes Simon has the feeling Raphael holds onto him for longer than he needs to.

It’s frustrating to know there is something between them and not be sure what it is.

“I… Can you hold me?”, Simon asks. He figured to better just say it.

He watches as Raphael raises an eyebrow and lets out a quiet sigh, “ _Vas a ser mi muerte._ ”

A moment later, the sheets are moved and Simon feels Raphael sit down next to him. There’s some space left between them and he tries to move closer.

“Raph-- I, uh, listen-- I guess I like you?”, Simon starts. “I don’t know, I love your smile and your snarky remarks and how you pretend to not give a shit but deep down you’re so good and--”

“Simon.”, Raphael says and finally moves closer. A wave of relief washes over him, because if Raphael doesn’t go, the situation can’t be too bad, can it?

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”, Raphael tells him and a second later, Simon feels his lips pressed onto his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!  
> If you like, you can reblog it on my [tumblr](http://joanthangroff.tumblr.com/tagged/*fic).


End file.
